Wakfu Wars
by m.tarnina
Summary: Or how the OVAs should have ended. Needless to say, pure crack, written for cheapest laughs. Rated T for darthness. ETA: For Guest, because yup, I did play with the idea a little more, so why not show it off? (Also, strangling? Isn't it a tad excessive?) Some of my favourite scenes from the Star Wars, Wakfu-fied.
1. The original short

Gale shook the branches, nearly pushing Adamai off. The dragon held on to the tree trunk and shouted "Yugo!"

The eliatrope, crouched on a thick bough, spared him an over-the-shoulder glance. His eyes, bloodshot, red, were flaming with mad anger. His fringe was whipping in the storm.

Adamai dodged a portal, scrambled back on the bough and dodged again when Yugo charged at him, screaming. With a graceful leap, the dragon got to another branch to stand face to face with Yugo panting, his hand clenched on the wakfu sword.

"You were my brother, Yugo! I loved you!" He cried over the moan of the gale, but his opponent merely yelled before attacking again.

Adamai dove among the branches and flew up from underneath just in time to see the other rubbing his sore forehead. Leaves flew inbetween them on a gust of wind.

He backed out from the next furious charge and landed on a higher bough.

"It's over, Yugo! I have the high ground!"

For a flicker, the angry scowl gave way to pure bafflement. "What?"

Adamai sommersaulted back, launching a burst of stasis in the air, then, not looking back, flew into the forest.

* * *

A gust of wind flapped her cloak as she kneeled at the wounded boy's side.

"Hurry!" Her servant nodded before vanishing in the haversack, while she run her hand over Yugo's cheek, wet from the rain. Bloodshot eyes stared at her imploring, pained.

"Hush… Do not try to speak. Save your strenght."

"A..." the boy groaned. "Amalia..."

"It seems, in your anger, you killed her." Lady Echo said.

"Noooooo…"

The servant got out of the haversack, dragging a Foggernaut suit of armour behind him.

* * *

* Ten years later *

The girl hissed with frustration. Blowing a ginger lock off her eye, she put her hands on her hips and said "Okay, we'll try again, but do it right this time."

She cleared her throat. "Help me, Goultard." She recited. "You are my only hope. Got it?"

A tiny yellow bird, perched in front of her on a stack of raw planks, rolled its eyes.

"Ugh, I really don't get it!"

There was a chink of steel behind her. The girl straightened up with a smile on her round face that would not be unfitting for a monster hunter. That is, a nasty one.

"Finally. Go now." She ordered the bird, reaching for the scabbard on her back. The sword she effortlessly drew and spun around was almost as long as she was high.

The bird fluttered away into a dark alley.

"Elely! You are under arrest by the Empire!"

She spun around, grinning. "I've been waiting all day!"

* * *

"Only passengers. Myself, the boy, a tofu... and no questions asked. "

Enutrof laughed inwardly. This iop might think (heh!) he's tough, the way he's chopped those drunks up, but Ruel knew desperate a kilometer away. That might be the deal of the lifetime.

"Eleven hundred thirty eight kamas." He said casually.

"We could buy our own ship for that!" The young cra exclaimed.

"And you'd sail it, eh?"

A pouch landed on the wooden table with a clink of spilling coins.

"That's an advance." The iop said cooly. "You'll get the rest in Bonta."

Ruel bit a coin, taking care not to choose the first one, but third from the top. Real gold. Nice.

"Somebody seems real interested in your handiwork."

The iop passed a glance at the bar, where two Imperial soldiers stood, speaking to the inn-keeper. He nodded at the boy. They both left discreetly, leaving Ruel with the pouch in his hand, warm fuzzies in his heart and the best poker face those Imperials were ever going not to notice.


	2. The Empire Strikes Back

Tangled branches, festooned with slimy, brown moss-ish stuff. That was the last place Elely would have expected to find dragons in.

"You might be... right" she muttered, wriggling under an arched root which Az flew over. He was now perched on a twig on the other side, looking at her quizzically.

"Maybe Goultard was pulling my leg.. ah!" Her boot slipped on the wet bark, sending Elely into a splashing encounter with the mud. She spat out a little of it.

"Ugh, great."

Elely tried to wipe the slop from her tunic, gave up and just sat on the closest stump to shake her bag off before opening it.

"Come on, we can have a bite just as well."

The tofu landed on her shoulder, on the last spot of Elely's tunic that managed to stay white. She wiped her hands a little, got out a foccacia and broke a bit off to give Az, who whistled, but still attacked the bread.

"Dragons are large, aren't they?" she asked, thoughtful. "Guess it wouldn't fit in all the shrubbery."

The tofu twittered. She stroked the little feathery head.

"Yeah, I don't like it, either."

She bit the foccacia, swallowed and slowly said "Like we're being watched."

In a single movement Elely put her sword to the throat of a weird creature behind her. His hood slipped off his head, revealing shiny white scales, pointy ears and a pair of stick-like horns. The entire thing was half her height, tops.

"Away put your weapon, I mean you no harm!" he whined, and Az added a low whistle, so Elely lowered her blade.

"Who are you?"

The white weirdo tipped his head, studying the iop girl. "Dragon, you seek?"

"Did nobody teach you it was rude, eavesdropping?" The mire gurgled obscenely, reminding Elely of the bag she had dropped. Damn. This bag held all her supplies.

"Guess he isn't here, anyway" she muttered. "Not in a hole like this one."

"So sure, you are, hmm? By appearances, you judge."

"What else? I'm no telepath. And I gotta go, unless you can show me to Adamai."

"Adamai, you say? Maybe, maybe not."

Elely raised her eyebrows, but the expression she's seen Goultard shut up an entire tavern full of roaring drunk sailors with had no effect on scaly weirdos with bad grammar. Apparently.

"Will you?"

He chuckled.

"Lead." He clasped Elely's hand, despite all the slime, and pulled her.

"Yes, yes! Adamai far, Adamai close! Master, and yet not! Why seek him?"

"Master... Goultard... told me... oi!" she complained, when her guide stopped abruptly, knocking her off balance and into the mire. "What now?"

"Goultard? The master iop?"

"Himself. Listen, I don't know what your problem with him is-"

"What does he want from a dragon, hmm?" Pale eyes bored into her. With all the dignity she could muster, Elely wiped some mud off herself.

"He wants to topple the Empire. Might be important, no?" she snarked, but the white dwarf crossed his arms, looking down.

"And he needs a dragon for that?"

"So you can speak like normal people! Listen, Goultard never explained, he just sent-"

"No."

Elely blinked. "What?"

"No. Goultard does not understand what he is asking for."

Something in Elely's head just clicked. "You... you are Adamai?"

He shrugged. "Am, was, what does it matter. I'll lead you out of this swamp, girl. Go home.

"No."

Adamai frowned. "No?"

"No. I came to get you. Can't go back without."

"Heh, heh. I call that an impasse, young lady."

* * *

Elaine pressed the map to the deck with her knee, holding it unfurled with her hand.

"Emelka" she muttered. Flopin, who was kneeling by her, tipped his head.

"Who's Emelka?"

"Not who, where" Ruel snorted from the steering wheel. "Never one for geography, eh?"

The young cra rolled his eyes, while Ruel added "My old buddy Alibert lives there. He's sure gonna help us, free of charge!" his gold tooth twinkled in the sun. Elaine and Flopin shared exasperated glances.

"Well, out of all the places we could go to fix this bathtub, Emelka's the closest" the pirate girl said. Ignoring Ruel's yells ("Bathtub? This baby made a run round the islands in six weeks!") Elaine rolled the map and rose off the deck.

"To Emelka!"

* * *

It was already turning dark when they arrived at the wharf, empty and lit only by a single, flickering lantern.

"So where's that friend of yours, eh?" Flopin asked, jumping out onto a berth.

"Well, he's the top brass here now" Ruel shrugged. "Probably sent someone to meet us, can't go out for every little ship himself."

"You've got guts." A deep voice said out of the darkness.

"Huh?"

The three of them covered their eyes, blinking, when several lanterns unveiled suddenly.

"To come here after what you pulled-"

"Hey! Deal's a deal, right? Not my fault you wouldn't believe that hiding place was really, erm-"

Flopin and Elaine got some of their eyesight back enough to see a huge figure approaching Ruel. Broad shoulders, bushy moustache, a hand the size of a windmill raising... to pat the enutrof's back.

"What's up, you old pirate? So good to see you!"

"Same old, same old, heh" Ruel grunted, almost entirely hidden within his friend's embrace.

"So they are friends, after all" Elaine sighed.

"Guess so."

Flopin didn't even notice having caught the girl's hand.

* * *

Elely, panting, steadied herself with a hand on a branch, instinctively avoiding a small bug worming alongside it. She looked up when she felt the wood give in to something heavy on the bough.

"Good" master Adamai let Az fly out of his hands and after the bug. Elely grinned.

"Hey!" she called, dodging an expertly thrown pine cone. "What for?"

"Too confident, you are. Constant vigilance."

"Speak normally, okay? The iop stretched her arms over her head with a small crack.

"Okay, kid" shrugged Adamai. He pushed up the haystack he wore on his head, insistent to call it a hat.

"See that hole, there? Into it... blast. You gotta go in there."

Elely frowned. The hole, a small entrance to a cave in a cliff wall (probably the last of its kind round these parts) was barely visible through the greenery.

"What for?"

"Wisdom gain."

She rolled her eyes. "You know, I'd probably learn more if you answered my questions straight. At least some of them."

"Maybe, maybe not. Leave your weapons.

Elely hesitated for a flicker before unbuckling her belt and sword and putting them carefully on the bough besides Adamai.

"Keep an eye on them" she half-joked. Then she bent to walk into the cave.

It was, of course, completely dark, but surprisingly dry. And it smelled of moths. A disgustingly sweetish smell that turned her nose. Something crackled dryly under Elely's boots, as if she was treading over desiccated bugs.

"Yuuck..."

She sneezed, spitting out the dust. "Ugh. Hello? Anybody here? Any wisdom for Elely?"

She hugged herself. "Before I freeze to death?"

The iop's sensitive ear caught an echo of a mechanical clatter. Leave your weapons. Right. Brilliant idea. It's not like I'm gonna meet-

Heavy, booming footsteps of a foggernaut. Elely backed into a cave wall, slid downwards over it. The steps increased, boom, boom, boom...

She could see the purple glow of stasis under the dome on top of the armour. In a little while...

Elely hurled a stone at the purple "head". Glass shattered, gas hissed into the open, but the broken foggernaut kept glowing. She jumped up.

"Hello?"

The tip of her boot hit metal. Among the scattering of glass shards she saw a face, a round, pale face with a slightly upturned nose and unseeing brown eyes.

She crouched down to close them.

"It's an illusion" she said out loud. "An illusion. Good one, though, I've only just cottoned on."

"Not the point of the lesson" a familiar voice sighed into her ear.

"What was? I'm not a foggernaut!"

"So sure, are you?"

What remained of the illusory cave dissolved, revealing an irritated Adamai.

"Sure? See any metal?"

"Metal does not a foggernaut make!"

"Ugh, here you go again."

The dragon tapped his bough with a stick.

"You don't understand. When once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny! Constant vigilance!"

"All right, all right. Stop yelling" Elely raised her hands apologetically. "I'll be careful."

* * *

"Yes, it's constantly looming over my head. But I've just made a deal that'll keep the Empire out of here forever."

Alibert opened the door before them with a flourish.

"Flopin and Elaine" a voice boomed, resonating within metal armour. "We would be honoured if you would join us."

The foggernaut rose, catching the bolt from Flopin's crossbow in the air. He crushed it in his metal fist. The young cra stared transfixed at the trickle of shiny dust that poured onto the table.

"They arrived just before you did" Alibert muttered. "I had no choice."

Elaine rolled her eyes.

* * *

"That was never a condition of our agreement!" Alibert said, wringing his hands. "They were supposed to stay until-"

"I'm altering the deal" the foggernaut said impassively. "Pray I don't alter it any further."

"What's going on?" hissed Elaine. Alibert, his face white, was staring at the other end of the room, where the imperial soldiers were keeping the increasingly slumped Flopin from collapsing while count Harecourt circled him, muttering under his breath.

"Yeah, buddy" added Ruel. "Wanna share anything?"

"They're sending" Alibert swallowed "your friend over to Anathar."

"What?"

The innkeeper held Elaine by her arms. "You can't help!"

The girl kicked his knee to pull out, but ran straight into a veritable wall of armoured soldiers.

"Flopin!"

Harecourt stepped back from the young cra and nodded.

"He'll survive freezing."

"Flopin!" Elena screamed, struggling free of the soldier's grip. "Flopin! I love you!"

The cra looked up. A green eye gleamed in the dimly lit room.

"I know" he smiled and it was this sweet, reassuring smile that froze under a layer of bluish ice.

"Done, my lord" said Harecourt with a bow. Through her tears Elaine saw the large form of the foggernaut march out of the room.

* * *

The moonlight only accentuated how dark it was, bringing out the outlines of buildings. Elely was listening so intently, it hurt. The silence hurt her ears. Her wet hands clenched on the sword grip.

Metal clanked. Elely spun, parried, stood face to dome with an eerie shiny metal monster.

A two-handed sword flashed in the foggernaut's hand. Elely dove under the blade, in full pelt hit the armour, which rang, but she ran on, to the stairs, up to the roof.

Her opponent, creaking and clanking and stomping like a herd of gobbals, followed. Elely ran onto the flat roof, drying herbs rustled under her boots, sending up a minty smell. The stairs creaked. Heavy steps boomed.

Elely stood poised, clenching her sword, squinting in the moonlight. Suddenly it was much too bright.

Finally her opponent appeared, a black silhouette against the white moon. He raised his sword.

Elely dodged, spun, cut his wrist, but he only turned. His sword swished through the air. The foggernaut couldn't keep up with the iop. The iop danced around the foggernaut, causing him as much damage as a fly would.

Dry stalks were cracking under her feet.

Elely dodged a thrust, tripped over the herbs and fell on her back, but rolled over at once. The sword clanked, having hit the stone floor. She jumped up. Raised her blade.

"Adamai has taught you well" Elely flinched, glanced at the foggernaut's dome, full of purple clouds that glimmered in moonlight.

"Thanks" she muttered.

"But there is much you do not know" she avoided his blade by hair's breadth and landed on the sill.

"Join me" the voice from the purple cloud rumbled. "I will complete your training, you shall become more powerful than any iop!"

She laughed so hard she nearly fell off the roof. "Is that supposed to be tempting?"

"We shall overthrow lady Echo! Rule the islands at my side!"

"Yeah? And what else? A harem of sexy sacriers and unlimited rice pudding?" She bit her lip to stifle the laugh. "Are you serious?"

The foggernaut made a heavy, thudding step towards her. She raised her sword.

"Adamai never told you what happened to your father."

Cold went through Elely's spine. "He did. He told me you killed him."

"No, Elely." Moonlight danced on the glass dome helmet.

"It was Adamai who killed your father."

"I don't believe you, you know?"

"Search your feelings, you know it to be true."

Elely narrowed her eyes. If I jump up now, she thought. The only chance.

"Join me, Elely!"

"Get stuffed" she muttered before springing up. She somersaulted over the foggernaut, landed in the herbs and bolted before he had time to turn.


End file.
